I take a lot of pictures of myself. It’s not all narcissism, it’s a study. I’m interested in seeing the changes and making comparisons.
It’s been interesting, VERY interesting. What is most surprising, though, is that as the weeks and months go by, I’m liking fewer and fewer of my face pictures. I don’t see myself in the pictures. I don’t recognize myself in the same way. It doesn’t look like me. And the strange thing is that I’m not liking the change all that much. I know I’m going to adjust- skin will tighten, sags and wrinkles may fade…
I think it’s just unfamiliarity- who is this woman staring back at me from these photos?
I’ll liken it to this analogy- when my brother was in his early 20’s he joined a motorcycle brotherhood. Along with his bike and new friends came a new look complete with a full, bushy mountain-man beard. Years passed, and one day I heard that my brother had shaved his beard. The next time I saw him he looked so weird to me. He grew the beard, we knew that, but under the beard my brother had changed from a boy into a man. No one was expecting that.
I’ve aged twenty years under this fat. It should hold true that I would have this reaction- I didn’t like the way it looked as it got added on, the changes, the double chins, widening face, were tough then too. I may have been expecting to see the 20 year old me under here. Instead, I’ve found a mother, a wife, a teacher. I’ve found a woman who has traveled the world, completed college, rebuilt one house and helped build one from scratch. A woman who carried and birthed two babies, who loves people with her whole entirety, a woman who is determined. An adventurous woman who runs now, who owns her body in a brand new way, who is working hard at not fearing the world, who is loving her life with a fresh perspective. I’m going to look different. I like who I am becoming, who I am unearthing, who I have always been. I like the look of this new woman, I just need to get to know her better.
My body has had it. Muscles, joints, bruises… I’m officially on a three day break, then I’ll be back to it on Saturday. I’m sticking with light exercise, a little yoga and strength training. Of course the diet will remain intact as well.
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I had a friend at work tell me that I’m glowing with happiness lately. It felt good to hear that how I’m feeling on the inside is being reflected out. Really good. 🙂