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Jude is Four
03.18.12 | Permalink | | Comments Off on Jude is FourFrom the moment I held your sister in my arms I knew I wanted to have another baby. I knew that she was such a gift, such a marvelous addition to this world that I started planning
for you soon after she took her first breath. I knew that without you, Guinevere would never have an aunt or uncle for her children, would never be a sister and we would only know a baby intimately in our lives one time. We wanted to complete our vision: Mommy, Daddy, baby, baby. We also wanted to hedge our bets in the grandchild department. We knew we needed you.
What we didn’t know was how you would fill that space we reserved for you. We assumed you would fuse your little life into ours, accepting what already was and that you would fit
into the shape we had provided. You, my love are a lesson in nature versus nurture. You quickly taught us that just because I thought something should be a certain way, it was not always the best way. You have taught me to relax a little about my expectations, to relax about the way I think things are supposed to be. And that lesson has extended into other areas of my life, teaching me to accept what comes instead of always plan what comes. You have taught me that is ok.
Each morning you make your way into our room. I hear your little feet padding down the hallway, the quiet way you turn my door knob, then the silent shuffle as you make your wayfrom the door to my side of the bed. I lay there knowing it is before 6:00 in the morning, simultaneously cursing the early hour that you have risen every day of your life – except when in hotels- while also rejoicing that my little sweet boy’s first instinct each morning is to crawl alongside his mama in bed, connecting, cuddling, kissing, and quietly laughing while Daddy tries to catch a few more winks. I open my eyes, and each time you startle me with your nearness, I can smell your sweet morning breath and you smile as I open my eyes. “Morning, Mama!” you whisper. I can never remain irritated at this moment, at you for this. You are love and light, the sunshine, my sunshine each morning as I rise with you and you brighten my morning. I lift the covers and you slide in.
This year brought clarified speech from our boy, tremendous vocabulary development and a lot of learning on how to include yourself in our social structure. You learned how to modulate your voice, and you are quieter these days, hearing less and less from our neighbor about how he can hear our boy so early in the morning. Naps seem to be on the way out
as you only take them on days where it’s just you and Daddy at home. You grew to love the outdoors this year. The patio was the perfect space to build obstacle courses, build with sand, ride your scooter and swim on. You became confident in the water, splashing and playing for hours in the hot tub. You became a friend to your sister, playing pet shop, school, lego, playmobil, lincoln logs, tinker toys, Pokemon, star wars, house and any other thing the two of you decided to collaborate on. You became an artist, drawing people, telling stories and beginning to write.
Mostly, though, you became more YOU if that makes sense. The older you become I am seeing the boy you are turning into, and that boy has the wonderful makings of a great man. I
thrill at the prospect of watching you, wonderful you, as you grow and become even more Jude- like. That funny boy who tells jokes upon jokes, who is insistent on doing what he wants, the little boy who is sensitive and caring about the feelings of those who are around him. I love that little boy who tells me I am beautiful, and ‘comfortable’ (his way of saying he likes my softness and curviness).
Baby, you are beautiful and comfortable too. I still can’t believe how big you are getting, can’t fathom that in one more year you will be taking your lunch box to kindergarten. So for
this next year, I’m going to baby you and love you, hold you and snuggle you as we spend this last year of toddlerhood together. This last year before you go off into the world, no longer my baby, but my boy. My boy who I am so proud to watch as he walks into this world. Know that I love you and always will, my sweet.
See, while we had a plan for who you would be, and we wanted you to fill this specific son/brother/second child role, we found that your ideas are much better suited to our family
than we ever expected. Thank you for making our family what it is with you, our Jude, in it. We are so glad that you are.
Happy fourth birthday, my Boyo!
With Love,
Mama
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Four
03.18.12 | Permalink | | Comments Off on Four
A birthday party was had today in honor of our dear boy, Emerson Jude, who was born four years ago on March 19th. Â In attendance were the Shepards and the Delaneys, and it was the perfect number. Â Lots of little kids carefully playing with toys like it was toddler time. Â It was very cute. Â Jude had some pretty awesome surprise faces as he opened his gifts (has anyone EVER been so excited as HE was when he opened his new helmet?!) one would think we had trained him to act that way, but we didn’t. Â That is just our sweet, darling little ham putting on a show for his friends. Â A happy birthday party indeed!
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If you were of their world they would love you
03.08.12 | Permalink | | 2 CommentsMy favorite Sinead song. I will always have a soft spot for her brand of mojo. If I were a single fellow I woulda answered that ad! Even before kids I loved that stanza: “I love my boy, and that’s why I am leaving. I don’t want him to be aware there is any such thing as grieving.”
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Post-It
03.07.12 | Permalink | | Comments Off on Post-ItWe were sick for a few days and I have been really into pixel art… So I made Mrs. Pacman, Blinky and a heart. Mr. Pacman was supposed to be chomping the heart from the other side, but my arms weren’t long enough to reach the window, and standing like a bridge across the stairs from the banister to the window sill just didn’t seem worth it!
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The Saga Continues…
03.05.12 | Permalink | | Comments Off on The Saga Continues…There is a story often told about me. The story goes…
We were on our honeymoon, having just hit the Mexican border we were heading north through California on our way back to Bellingham to start our new life as married folks. While I knew that in his long ago past Bradley had like Star Wars, I’d had no idea the breadth and depth that Lucas and his galaxy far far away had on my husband. He had mentioned that there was a new Star Wars movie coming out, and had mentioned that he would probably want to see it, but I didn’t really pay attention. I figured we would see it at the drive in. Later. Back at home.
We were headed out of the southern Californian heat and heading north when we stopped in a smaller town, surrounded by garlic fields, to camp for the night. The town had a feisty little pub where we ate delicious portabello steaks and pub fries, and next door to the pub was a movie theater. They were showing Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Of course we went to see it. There we were, the two of us, nestled together as the infamous scroll started with the crashing orchestra playing the Star Wars theme. My husband’s anticipation and excitement were palpable – a NEW Star Wars movie! new characters! The saga begins…
But, if you are only going to see Star Wars because your new husband sincerely and shyly asked you to come along, it might not be as interesting. I quickly got overwhelmed with the plethora of characters, their roles, deceptions, back stories… Eventually I sat back and decided to just enjoy the visuals. And then I closed my eyes so I could pay attention to the sound effects. And then I fell asleep. I awoke in time to see Anikin in the pod race but was fast asleep at the end when Bradley gently shook me awake. It was time to go. I apologized, he laughed and the story is a chapter in the tale of our lives, told over and over.
Things change, though. I am surrounded by Star Wars fanatics, or as I lovingly call them, geeks. For years I was inundated with names of planets and characters, alliances, ships and battles.  Names stuck and I could talk a little geekery. Then along came Robot Chicken, the Star Wars specials (I don’t like other RC, it should be noted). We laughed, we cried – with laughter, then we re-watched the episodes often enough, I am not ashamed to say, that we often quote lines from Robot Chicken to one another and sing the songs like they are radio hits. But you can’t watch the parody without knowing that which is being parodied, so last summer I earnestly watched all six of the films. While I differ with Bradley on the prequel/original trilogy argument, I have joined my family in their geekery and proudly wear my Star Wars geek badge.
So imagine our happiness when we found out that Lucas decided to release all six of the movies, in order, in 3D over the next six years. Bradley thrilled at being able to share the Star Wars tradition of going to see the films in the theater with our kids. On opening day we dressed up Gigi as Padme, dressed Jude in his Star Wars t-shirt and headed to the theater to see the magic of Episode One: The Phantom Menace 3D. The movie was fine, the pod race is fun and no matter what anyone says, I think Jar Jar Binks is a hoot! Regardless, though, we all had a fantastic time as a family, geeking out on Star Wars and carrying on a tradition that Daddy holds dear.